Suicide

I was recently reminded of an incident that happened when I was 14. I had attempted suicide, by taking at least 200 pills. I remember looking up the medication to make sure they would be fatal. I guess after taking them I ended up on the phone with my friend, she knew something was wrong and told her mom. They were also my neighbors, so her mom, Julia rushed me to the ER herself in her car. She told me that the doctors said if it had been 10 minutes later I would have been dead.

What would make someone do this, let alone a child? I had a very difficult life, I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer a year later, I did die 5 times after this incident. Subconsciously I couldn’t take being separate any more. We all started out being while, complete. It still gives me pain in my heart chakra to talk about this illusion that we feel, we go through life believing that we are alone and desperate. This just isn’t true.

I now have all the answers I need and can look at these memories much different. It helps me to know that I wasn’t a victim. I picked all of these events before I was born, so did you. We just forget. When this happened I still was operating on a child’s operating system. I didn’t comprehend that to take your own life is selfish in ways that we can’t comprehend. That would hurt Source or God in a way that we can’t even wrap our heads around. We can only understand so much with our human brains. We are all connected, I had a hard time adjusting and growing into my role as an empath. I picked these experiences so that I would be able to guide people without being judgemental. Now I can see the bigger picture, perhaps I really saved Julia’s life by her seeing that. There are no coincidences, At any given moment you are right where you are supposed to be. When you are going through something it is often hard for you to see everything clearly. It’s often nice to have an outside perspective, especially if you are stuck on a hard lesson.